Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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