Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Randomize
