Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Be still, my beating vagina.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
