dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
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