i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
