my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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