I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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