she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
