Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
