Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
