Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
