so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
