i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I won't apologize to a one balled man
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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