So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
