I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Randomize
