it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
