the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I need a beard to bite.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
