Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
