There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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