Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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