Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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