Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
