Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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