Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
