Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
