I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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