According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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