How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Even my vagina gasped.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
