Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
