sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
