Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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