...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
