Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
