I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
