I hope mine doesn't look like that
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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