you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
