I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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