dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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