This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
