There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
