this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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