please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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