so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
