i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
