I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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