Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
