I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
