I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Randomize
