did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
