Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You've changed since you got that strap on
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
