I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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